Life wasn't easy, I know that from experience, having said that makes me wonder why I sit here in my chair blogging about what was missing and my feeling of being empty today.
I think every one has this moment where you have no idea what direction you should be heading. I do hope it is just passing by and not staying with me.
I have a lot to be thankful, I have a wonderful husband who loves me no matter what, in sickness, in every family turmoil, in absence of thoughts and silence. We also have our gift from ALLAH, a bubbly baby girl who now turns 1 and learning each day new things with me.
But what is missing?? I used to have value outside my home, not that they don't value me here but let me rephrase that, I used to have a work. A routine from morning till night that challenge me intellectually and physically. I get to mingle with friends more, now I just stayed home, I closed my online shop to attend to my daughter's needs and now I feel useless. I know it is more tiring or exhausting to be at home, but I miss having a career. Am I bad mom for feeling this way? My heart raises whenever I will go out alone and leave my baby to the sitter, or if I hear some baby's cry, I know I will rush my self home to see if Raya's okay. These feeling makes me feel guilty and sad, I hope I can find ways to make me feel better.
I need to be enlightened on how to deal with these blues, because I know there are abundant things to be happy about but I cannot seem to find one today.