Tuesday, 27 October 2009

MIXED FEELINGS

IT WAS ONE SUNNY MORNING OF OCTOBER 2009 THAT I FINALLY GOT THE CHANCE TO PREPARE EVERYTHING FOR MAMA'S ARRIVAL BY NOVEMBER, SHE HAVE WAITED FOR SO LONG AND EVEN TOLD ME THAT EACH YEAR SHE IS HOPING THAT THIS HAPPY MOMENT WILL COME. (TOO BAD FOR MAMA THAT I WASN'T CAPABLE OF GIVING HER THE VACATION SHE NEEDS DUE TO SO MANY REASONS BUT MAINLY BCOZ OF MONEY).

SHE IS CHECKING HER BAGS EVERY TIME AND PASSPORT ALWAYS AT BAY SO IF EVER I CALLED THAT ALL IS READY,SHE CAN IMMEDIATELY FLY AWAY FROM PHILIPPINES.( I JUST WONDER, WHAT MAKES HER FEEL SO TRAP AND EAGER TO RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK) WHEN I, MYSELF LONGING TO BE WITH THEM AND ENJOY THE COMFORT OF HOME...

SHE WAS A FORMER OFW LIKE MYSELF, AND HAVE BEEN TO MANY PLACES FOR US BEFORE..SHE LEFT WHEN I WAS THREE AND CAME HOME FINALLY WHEN I WAS 11 YEARS OLD. NEVER KNEW HER THAT WELL, I WAS SO TIMID AND SHY WITH HER.
SHE SOUNDS LIKE A GUEST AT MOST TIMES INSIDE OUR HUMBLE HOME AND I CANNOT UNDERSTAND HER WORDS MOSTLY...IT FELT LIKE SHE CAME FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY AND ANOTHER WORLD FAR FROM WHERE I AM.

I BELIEVE NOW, I UNDERSTOOD THAT ONCE YOU BECOME AN OFW, YOUR HEART IS ALWAYS ON WORKING ABROAD EVEN THOUGH YOU MISSED HOME, AFTER SOME TIME OF HOME SICKNESS YOU GET USED TO THE CITY THAT CRADLES YOU FOR WORK AND HUMBLED YOU IN SO MANY WAYS NO ONE CAN IMAGINE.

SO PROBABLY SHE FELT THE SAME, I DO NOT KNOW FOR SURE WHAT GOING ON IN HER MIND NOW THAT SHE CAN BE WITH ME..

MY HUSBAND AND I ARE HOPING SHE WOULD LOVE DUBAI EVEN IT IS SO HARSH AT FIRST FOR NEWBIES..

BUT KNOWING MY MOM SO GENEROUS TO MY BROTHER, DEEP INSIDE SHE FUMBLE WITH THE THOUGHTS OF LEAVING HIM AND HER GRAND KIDS ALONE..SHE SAID IT WAS A MIXED FEELING OF RELIEF, NERVE RACKING EXCITEMENT AND FEAR.

IS SHE HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS OF LEAVING?? NO, BUT SHE IS DEFINITELY GOING THRU A LOT OF THINKING..WELL, HER VISA IS GOOD FOR 2 MONTHS ONLY..BUT WE ARE HOPING WE CAN FIND A SPONSOR FOR HER SO SHE CAN STAY BUT IF WE AREN'T LUCKY..THEN, WE WILL PROBABLY SPEND THE HOLIDAYS TOGETHER.

IT IS NEW FOR ME TOO. I WAS ALONE FOR MOST OF MY 6 YEARS HERE IN UAE, NO FAMILY AND FEW FRIENDS..EVERY HOLIDAY FELT LIKE A BOMB IN MY CHEST THAT IF ANYONE WILL ASK HOW AM I DOING WILL EXPLODE INTO TEARS BECAUSE OF LONELINESS. I MADE IT AND FINALLY FELT AT HOME WITH MY HUSBAND BUT OF COURSE IT WILL BE COMPLETE IF I CAN BRING EVERYONE FROM MY FAMILY HERE WITH ME..(oh national bonds call me soon!!)

THIS IS THE START OF A NEW CHAPTER...THOUGH MIXED FEELINGS OVER TURN MY HEAD...I AM HAPPY THAT FINALLY, I CAN KISS MY MOM GOOD NIGHT FOR 60 DAYS.

KISSES,
FATIMA

No comments:

Post a Comment