I cannot force YOU to LOVE me better

These past 2 years, my brain is in hiatus. Not working on  any meaningful thoughts but merely surviving the days and nights. As I looked back on what has happened, it is clear that understanding LIFE'S content is never easy.

Do you feel my longing for love Mama? I know what you did for us to survive alone without Papa and your best to take care of us ( me and brother) but no matter how much I do now, it is still not enough to make you love me better. Why?

I wished you can also love me the way you care for Kuya, that you will not waste a minute to comfort his needs which as always, I ended up giving so you will talk to me more. I felt, I am paying for the time you should have for me, that is how desperate I am to please you.

I don't want to sound bitter, but I guess I am. I masked my emotions towards your bias love because I thought I can understand better. But when I got pregnant and had my baby...I long for you, no one will teach me better to be a good mom than my own but you said, my brother needs you more and I have a husband who can be with me, get some help ( you mean pay someone to help me ).

It made me sad at night and think through out what I have experienced just to get you to care. After your chemo, your operation and kuya's suicide attempt, I think, I need someone to hold on too. I was wrong to think time will bond us.

Now that I am a mother too, I want my daughter to feel the love I am supposed to have. I overwhelmed her with kisses and hugs, I play with her more and smile every time.

I cannot tell you all of this things because it might hurt you, so I have to write it down at least so I can release the pain of being a distant child.

I do not know what I have done wrong but may be this is just how life is between you and me.

You are old already and I am too. I want the time left to be memorable. I just want to let you know, I love you Mama. I really do.

I may not see you again. I am a thousand miles away from you. I am not saying I will stop caring but I think It is time for me to let go and let it be.

In another time, another life, I wished you could love me more because after all, I am your youngest and only daughter.

Margot

TIME and LOVE

Here is a story about LOVE...I just want to share to ALL of You!

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, and all of the others including LOVE.

One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all prepared their boats and left. Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, " No, I can't...there are a lot of golds and silvers in my boat. There is no place for you here."

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, "Vanity, please help me!", I can't help you LOVE, you are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so LOVE asked for help, "Sadness let me go with you" ;"Oh... Love, I am so sad that I need to be myself!"

Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when LOVE called her!

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come love, I will take you," it was an elder, Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder her name.

When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Love realizing how much he owed the elder, asked Knowledge, another elder, "who helped me?"

"It was TIME", knowledge answered.

"TIME?" asked love. "but why did TIME help me?"

Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, " Because only TIME is capable of understanding how GREAT Love is."

-unknown writer-

My husband and I always tell each other that our love can move mountain of hurdles, and thru TIME, we found our LOVE deeper and greater.

Hope you find your great LOVE too in TIME.

Fatima

Ang Tumaba Ng DAhil SAYO!!:)

Sabi ni mahal, Life without me daw is like eating hamburger without Pepsi!!!
Oh d bah pano kaya ko papayat nyan eh mismong asawa ko eh kung mag detalye ng pagmamahal eh thru foods…

Healthy Living nman kming 2, d lang na epek sa kanya ksi GENETIC problem daw..well nkita ko n nga ang buong family lahat sila sexy ehehehehe….
Siguro kasi d ako pede mag exercise…kaya gn2?? pinagbawalan ako ng DR. kong OB-GYN kc may cyst ako sa right ovary…

Dinadaan ko lng sa tawa pero seryoso n 2… Sabi nga kung d ukol di bubukol so I am accepting this kc may reasons ang lahat. Madami n ko pinagdaanang unos so isa lang itong AMBON sa akin.
Ano man ang maging resulta n2, mabuti, o masama at masakit..ALLAH KAREEM!!! ( In GODS Mercy).

I have BIG Faith n isa itong balakid n dapat nming paglabanan mag asawa, pero sa 22o lng umiiyak din ako sa Gabi noh lalo’t 2log n ang mister ko ksi baka…baka…coW eh d ko masabi. Pag daw masama d dapat binabanggit sa Iranian Culture positive conversations lahat. Kaya ko to. Ang tagal ko atang inantay n mag ka buong pamilya ulit.
Un nga lng ang pangarap ko eh, d kailangan maraming pera ALHAMDULLILAH d nmn kami ng kukulang… basta kumpleto pamilya ko, khit isang baby lng..un lng ata kaya ko i produce hehehe lola n ksi ako ng asawa, hirap ng buhay eh.

Tumaba nga ako ng dahil sayo double cheese burger ng Mcdo at KFC Zinger.. sus 3 1/2 years n tuwing gabi ba nmn un ang pagkain nmin ng Mister ko eh hello fatty acids n choles tlga inabot ko… at higit sa lahat sa kabila ng sakit at pag subok…napaka bait kasi ng asawa ko, wala akong masabi para din syang pilipino kung magmahal, minsan higit pa ksi ma asikaso.

TAma pala talaga si Dada Ina ko, mag antay lng daw at mag dasal, wag mag madali…darating ung kapalad mo, eto n nga sya.

Binuhos ko ang matagal n panahon sa lungkot at subsob sa trabaho para maka2long sa pamilya.. ngaun lng ako naging masaya ng ganito…halata nmn d bah???
Investment din ang layers ko sa tiyan kala nyo…hihihihi

So sa mga taong mataba, healthy o chubby at siksik sa laman..mabuhay tayong lahat. Syempre miss ko din mag suot ng tight fitted n shirts pero okey lng un mainit d2 sa dubai tsaka nka ABAYA n ko d n halata un.

Pag magaling n ako, pihado babalik n din ung metabolism ko sa dati, so pray for me ha!! SALAMAT at hanggang sa muli…

Salamat sa Pakikinig mo…

STORM hits OUR LOVE but didn't took our FAITH

We are in the edge and at times of crisis, we have had yet another GIFT from GOD...My husband was diagnose with Calcium Deposits in his T2 side of the Brain and is now under close monitoring by our physician due to different symptoms he is experiencing..

I felt helpless, I cannot ease his pain. they said it was ordinary for us (HUMAN) men /women to have some calcium deposits anywhere else in our body but little is known till now to where this culprit is coming from and why it is forming...no specific results are the same. Since it is unknown, the medicines that was prescribe were painkillers and to stable his balance.

We are newly weds, just trying to start a life together and this "GIFTS" are somewhat beyond our visions of trials to come and it is still soon to encounter such devastating facts.

But in our hearts, we believe in GOD, we know that behind this wall between contentment are happiness and love for each other.

I am positive that we will over come such trials, I am just concern that it could be a sign of a deeper illness which was known to run in their gene pool. MS (Multiple Sclerosis) is one heartrob of all pain that is present in their family.. Suffferers of such disease slowly agonizing their pains of loosing control over a limb or two and can have their full memories erased or went under coma in any given time.

I am praying he will recover as soon as possible, and im giving him the best care i can give and the love he always deserve..

Apart from this "GIFTS", we are in turmoil over our financial status but still "ALLAH KAREEM". Each night that he is fast asleep, I put my thoughts here so I can take it out of my chest..and when he awakes, im showing him that im on top of my game to help him battle this out for us.

Some Doctors said it is nothing but here in UAE, I cannot say I have heard of a specialist where everybody are entrusting. I may not be a medical proffesional to understood properly how each procedure should be done but I saw in many event malpractices and limited compassion from each Doctor I have visited.

I pray on GOD Above to protect my husband..my friend...my love to be kept away from any harm...

My warm love may bring back your good health.

Thank you...and advance Happy Valentine's Day to ALL......

SA AKING PUSO

LAGI KITANG NAAALALA
HINDI MO LANG ALAM KUNG ANO ANG PAKIRAMDAM KO
ANG BUONG AKALA MO AY NALIMOT KO NA
PANGAKO NA SAYO AY SASAMA

HINDI NGA SIGURO NGAYON ANG PANAHON
MALI ANG PAGKAKATAON
TAMA ANG PAG-IBIG NGUNIT KAY RAMI ANG MASASAKTAN
KAPAG PINILIT NATING LINGUNIN ANG ISA’T-ISA

ISIPIN MO AKO SA TUWINA
NARITO KA SA PUSO KO
KAHIT ISANG SAGLIT AY DI KITA NALIMOT
DAHIL SAYO NAG SIMULA ANG KULAY NG BUHAY KO

NGUNIT SA PAG IWAS KONG ITO
MALAMAN MO SANA, AT AKO AY MAINTINDIHAN
NA DAHIL MAHAL KITA
KALIGAYAHAN MO ANG HANGAD KO

SABIK AKONG MAYAKAP KA
IPARAMDAM SAYO NA MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA
SA GABI AY HANAP KA
NGUNIT ALAM KO’Y YAKAP MO SIYA

HINDI KO MAIBIBIGAY ANG PANAHONG NAIS MO
ANG PAG TALIKOD UPANG SUMAYA TAYO
DI MAKAKABUTI SA ATIN
KAY LAYO MAN NG PAGITAN, SA AKING PUSO AY IKAW LANG

SA IBAYONG DAGAT
HANGGANG SA HULING HININGA
SA KATANDAAN
DI KITA MALILIMUTAN

PAANO BA AKO MABUBUHAY NG WALA KA
GANITO RIN BA ANG NASA PUSO MO
INIISIP MO DIN BA AKO
AKO RIN ANG IYONG PANAGINIP

DARATING DIN ANG PAGKAKATAON
BAKA DI NGAYON
PERO ALAM KONG MAGKIKITA PA TAYO
MADADAMA MO AKO MULI

WALA AKONG TANGING NINAIS MAKASAMA KUNDI IKAW

LAHAT NG MASAYANG PANAHON
NASA AKING PUSO
PAULIT-ULIT NA BINABALIKAN
NGUNIT HANGGANG DITO NA LANG MAHAL KO...PAALAM

SA AKING PUSO IKAW ANG TANGING MAHAL
ANG TAONG NAIS KONG YAKAP, HALIKAN AT MAHALIN
NGUNIT IPINAG KAIT NG MUNDO SA AKIN
MINAHAL AT INANGKIN NG IBA

PAALAM LANG ANG KAYA KONG SABIHIN
MASAKIT MAN SA AKING MAKITA KANG LUMAYO MULI
ALAM KO,
IBIBIGAY KA SA AKIN PAG DATING NG TAMANG PANAHON

PAALAM MAHAL KO
MAG-IINGAT KA
ISIPIN MO AKO PAMINSAN
DAHIL NASA PUSO KITA TUWINA.

Finding NEMO????

Funny how you see those lovers passed by…and all you can feel is bitterness in your heart..

You want to run so fast so you will not catch a glimpsed of this awful act (hehehe) you wish having for yourself if ONLY he didn’t walk away and leave without a single trace…

HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS???

1.PRAYER IS THE BEST TOOL IN EVERY CIRCUMSTANCES U MIGHT HAVE..FREE, EFFECTIVE AND THE BEST CHOICE…

2. fIND NEW INSPIRATION- WHETHER IT’S A NEW SKILL, A NEW LOVE, OR A NEW EDITION OF A BOOK YOU EVER WANTED…TAKE THAT STEP…DO IT!

3. bUT FOR ME, A NEW love DEFINES EVERYTHING…

WE TEND TO FORGET AND IGNORE THE FACT THAT PEOPLE GET INVOLVE AND FIND LOVE SO "GREAT" BECAUSE HUMANS LOVE TO BE APPRECIATED. WE LONG FOR SPECIAL TREATMENTS THAT SO WAY DIFFERENT IF IT WAS GIVEN BY A FRIEND AND SO DEARLY IF IT WAS FROM SOMEONE U LOVE.

WHEN YOU LOST UR PURSE, DO YOU BUY A NEW BAG IN REPLACEMENT FOR THAT??

THE ANSWER IS NO.

A new PURSE WILL BE GREAT, WELL IT WILL NOT BE THE SAME AS THE FIRST ONE BUT AT LEAST THE FUNCTIONS OR PURPOSE IS STILL THERE… BUT LOVE, UNLIKE A PURSE DOESN’T COME IN BULK QUANTITY THAT U CAN BY CHANCE FIND THE SAME THING IN ANY STORE..UNLESS U FIND LOVE BETWEEN "TWINS" SIMILAR FACE, PROBABLY SAME TASTE IN FASHION BUT A DIFFERENT ATTITUDE AND THIS IS REALLY A MASTER PIECE OF GOD ALONE.

mOVING ON MIGHT TAKE TOLL FOR A WHILE IN YOUR LIFE, IT MIGHT HINDER YOU FROM GOING INTO THE SAME SPOTS U AND UR HUBBY LOVES TO ROAM AROUND BUT it WILL BE GOOD FOR YOU TO LET UR HEARTACHES OUT ONCE AND THEN, WITH HEADS UP HIGH, CONFRONT YOUR BIGGEST FEAR… HIM/HER IN A SITUATION U WOULDN’T IMAGINE..

MIND U THESE HAPPENS ALL THE TIMES…THE LEAST YOU COULD DO WHEN U BUMP UNTO HIM/HER WITH THE SUBSTITUTES ( i often used this to make myself secure they don’t replace my place in his heart but they substitutes for my absences) is TO SAY HI!! THEN HOW’S EVERYTHING, QUESTION SO THEY WILL FEEL UN EASY..AND MAKE THE FINAL EXIT BY SAYING, NICE TO SEE U THEN iM QUITE BUSY, i HAVE TO GO… HEADS STILL UP high …WOW! WALK AWAY AS FAR AS U CAN…

iF EVER THeSe DOESN’T WORK OUT WELL, and PROBABLY U FEEL BITTER AGAIN AND HIDE WHILE U SAW THEM HAND AND HAND..

THIS MY FRIEND IS ONE OF THE DIFFICULT MOMENTS U SHOULD AVOID…"self pitty" because it CAN kill YOU AND even break you..

MY GRAND MOTHER ONCE SAID… THE FISHES IN THE OCEAN are PLENTY BUT WHEN U DON’T KNOW WHICH FISH U WOULD WANT TO HAVE..THE VASTNESS OF THE OCEAN CAN OVERWHELM U, AND PRAY. even fisherman’s pray for each catch u know?

HAPPY FISHING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love Lots,

FATIMA

CELEBRATE THE DIVERSITY OF LIFE

WELCOME TO ALL PINAY'S NA MAKULAY!!

Being different should not be an issue, we should celebrate for we are exciting!!

Please be proud to share you stories of succesfull inter-racial marriages and the happiness you found when you decided to expand your boundaries (literary hehehe).

I will be delighted to be your friend too..

Anyways, Let us clean the unhealthy TAG's on PINAY's, we are strong, witty and responsible but behind this strong feature we are as delicate as a flower.

LOve can move mountains of hurdles my friends...not MONEY!

A true pinay blood whether ur half or full or mix...never mind..if in ur heart u belong and there u should be...

LOVE lots,

fatima