COLORS, WISHES, DREAMS AND REALITY

Salam!

Goodness, my last blog entry was way back 2013. A lot has happened during those times. My daughter is now turning 7 this June and in grade school. I am a proud mom of an intelligent little girl. She was awarded as the Most Outstanding student in KG 1 and passed her exam here in UAE to accelerate to GRADE 1.

We stayed for almost 4 years in The Philippines and last year April, we moved back here in Sharjah. We came back because I have CANCER. I was told, its in stage 4 and my doctor's advise to enjoy and have a quality of life for there are no more test and procedures that can be done for me. I got a slapped in the face of reality. It was hard to accept but I prayed for guidance. I needed to bring Raya back to her Baba, she needs her family to be complete now. I came from a poor and broken family. I wished I could give my daughter the best in life but God has a different plan for me, I hope it is better.

I sounded like broken, I really Am. Literally, my heart is, and now my breast. I thought I have everything in place but you see, life has so many up's and downs, turns and curve that at most times..when I am lost, I sit quietly to level my head with a plan.

Life is full of colors.

Sometimes it's Blue and Pink.

I lost my small store, got diagnose with Breast Cancer, loosing my hair, tired most of the time, struggling financially, and has been cheated upon. I do not know how to start my story, I just know, I needed it to end.. the pain perhaps.

I sell online, up to midnight, to help support our finances, even though I wish to go back to my normal 8-5 desk job. (how?) I do not have time to sleep well, constantly worrying about my daughter's future if I am gone. Since, I am not insured, I do not have savings, I worry about her so much. How she will be if I suddenly die? I fight for her, we sing our FIGHT SONG! She knows I am sick, She was with me when the doctor gave me the BIG C diagnosis, with me while I have my scans and her little heart was worried for me, I was never alone..blessed her little helping hands.

WHY DO I SELL OR WORK STILL?
I wished to just relax and have it all fed to  me but like all of you, CANCER PATIENT or NOT, still we need to pay our bills.

I have so many hopes and dreams, in a good day, I fight and most days like today, my head is throbbing with pain, I just sit quietly inside our room and sob silently for 10 minutes, I asked WHY?? WHY ME?? WHY ITS THIS WAY?? no one knows, no answer is given so then I get back up and load our laundry in the machine.. mom duties continues.

I apologized, If you are reading a sad story, no D.I.Y projects to share today for I think I have my brain and my heart somewhere around the house and I cannot find them.

My dear husband has lost his way, too many problems maybe or just because he no longer needs me.
I am in pain, but I am not allowed to show it. My days are chaotic but I still function like all moms should be, "in a hurry''. I do not have time to think of ME just them. I wanted to feel I am still okay, not the broken person so I polluted my brain with task to do. Its exhausting, and stressful.

I have never felt this kind of pain but being cheated upon made my life even depressing, I lost so many good days with Raya. How could he just let me feel miserable while I am in pain already. He cannot wait for me to die and replaced me. I was told I have 6 months to live but hey its been a year and I am still alive, I eat healthy, drink herbal medicines. He is supposed to be happy that I am here..instead I feel this constant pain in my heart for what he has done. He must have been stoned that I outlive the 6 months marked.

I resent him for that, I wanted to break away from his chain, this marriage, divorce can be the solution but my little one is already worried about loosing me..so I swallowed my pride and stayed.
You needed to know even if you didn't asked I have loved him with all my heart, but when I found out he kept money secret away from me while I needed surgery, I just stopped talking. No more hugs and no more wife duties. I felt betrayed, he could have save me, but he choose to kept the money in Iran without telling me. If by chance it was him who is sick, I would push mountains and even sell my kidneys just so he'll lived. He doesn't love me, that is for sure.

REALITY.

July 7,  2017 that day I found out about his mistress. My world just turn from BLUE to BLACK.

He lied, I forgave him but I cannot forget. I will never be the same. I felt like I am a cigarette that someone has tossed in the pavement and put off by stepping on it several times.

DREAMS.

I have so many, but I will be honest. I wanted to be rich. Before I die, I want not feel this sickening feeling of worry of how to put food on the table. I grew up poor but proud that I can work hard and earned a decent living. But I stopped working 10 years ago, I dream of being rich so that I know how it feels to be able to buy for my daughter without struggle and save up for her.

It is a dream, so I am honestly telling money is the first thing I asked. MY LIFE expectancy, is not that long so for the remaining days of my life I want to be RICH. More money means I can help my family. No need to asked from my husband, not to worry my 20 dirhams will not last.

If I have the money, I would go to the best Doctors, find a solution for my sickness, best food and nutrition. We can TRAVEL and make memories for RAYA to keep.

WHITE.

I needed peace. I want to stopped worrying, crying and fight. I asked that if I cannot be given happiness from within, at least give it to my daughter. Let her be healthy and happy.

Today, is full of colors.

I gave him a chance, I am stupid I know. Knowing you are dying gives you a different prospective in life. It makes you humble, and pulls you closer to family. I hope one day, when I am gone, He will be able to find a good lady that can be a good mom to my daughter. If not, I will make sure they will hear it from me in the after life.

Be kind, there are a lot of bad people around us already. If you are a girl, young or old have your two lady parts checked. Do not cheat, it breaks a person's heart into million pieces. Say Sorry, it won't kill you.

Please do not forget the people who loves you, life is short.

Always,
Margot

NEW HOME, NEW BEGINNINGS, MORE DIY PROJECTS

I felt like I have neglected this poor little blog of mine and the reason for my hiatus state was "we moved again"!! Yes, I felt I have been living in my suit cases too. For now going to two years, We have been hauling our little hearts out and our simple treasures around Sharjah and now here in Manila, Philippines. So happy to announce that we finally have a home sweet home to call. Our unit is located in Field Residences Condominium in Paranaque City.

This is a compact, small  56 sq. mtrs but so loved home. While my daughter and I stayed for a much longer vacation than my husband, I took the chance to enhance it the way it will suit our family. We initially started collecting antiques and we almost went back to embracing brown's and neutrals again but because of the size of our space; white and black suits best.

I have a couple of projects done and one of it was the passage between the two 1 bedroom unit. We bought tandem units or the combined. This was appealing to us before, but we somehow regret it now that it needs more renovations and enhancement unlike if we took regular 2 bedroom unit unfurnished.

The ambiance of the place, the peace and safety for our daughter is on our top priority. This place lit up the excitement beams in my heart. Our first home, to explore, to create and to love. While we believe it is a challenge living in such a small space, we are compelled to minimize which one is essential to have and extra to donate with the things we brought from UAE.

I have sold some of the ready furnishings and electronics that comes along with the unit simply because it's not what we hope for and it doesn't fit well for a family of 3. The 24 inches LCD TV, the Sofa beds, and one  Refrigerator and an extra dining table. The home is also equipped with 2 sinks, 2 bathroom, 2 stoves and range hoods which oddly place on both sides.

So we are still unpacking and in the process of back splash tiles make over, wooden mirrors and cabinet repainting. I will post updates when its all done.

Hope you all had a good day and having a blast like we do!!

Margot Jamali

Mama Poooooo???

Mama Poooooo!!!

That is what my 16 months daughter tell us when she has poo or wet diapers, is it too early to potty trained her?

It was amazing, I thought  that she was kidding at first but the stink confirms it every time =). I have read about training 2 years old above but Raya is quite advance in this stage I must be lucky then. Does any one has the same experience please do shed me some of your stories, I would be glad to learn from it.

Have a good day!

Margot

ROUND UP OF PROJECTS

Here are some of the projects I have made through out the entire times I was on hiatus. My poor blog needs some TLC I know, I was busy packing for our up coming vacation and some other issues on a personal note that I kinda let this blog of mine silent and I just POP UP like a mushroom from time to time.

Let the picture just tell it stories.

Have a great day everyone! EID MUBARAK to ALL!!

Margot

3 Folds Wallet / Check book holder

Reversible Pillows for our Entrance nook

 

Fabric Key Wrist Tag

 

 

 

OPINIONS

Most Parents can relate to this, when someone offers unsolicited advise and pronounce their opinions about raising your baby that mostly hurt your feelings. I feel like scooping my child and run away as possible but the reality is that you cannot escape this scenario especially if your baby constantly refusing to say hello to family or in laws and would cry her little heart out at a glance of a stranger. She has her own ways, some of the time she will just wave at a random lady in the street.

I know it is a phase, but there are some who cannot understand and will attack my parenting skills  or would comment that I am not teaching my 15th month old to be polite, are you kidding me? I know a lot people whom are Professionals and well off in life but so rude, how can you teach a baby that young?

What I don't like is the comparison they say to other toddlers. My baby is bi-racial and we, as a couple are used to the stares, the questionable eyes while we walked holding hands at the mall or when we want to dine out, but spare my little one if she cannot comprehend yet to play along and it's not because she has a unique family, but because she is still a baby.

She loves to say Hi but she must be the first to say it other wise she will cry. This is how she is right now, after she get used to being around you, she will constantly blew flying kisses to you, isn't that sweet enough?  And when asked how old is she, Raya will say "wahhhn" with her point finger, that to me is a conversation piece.

I wished that I can explain to everyone who frown at me but I choose not to, we all have our own ways, what might be doing great for your family will not even come close to be fine with mine. I would just say mind your own sticky business and if my daughter doesn't like to shake hands with you to say Salaam, that might be a sign that she understands well enough you're not Polite enough to keep your opinions at bay and give it when it's asked for.

This is just my ramblings, I kept quiet today and sob inside the toilet after listening to their "blah blah", but I just need to vent at least. I know this is just the beginning of our wonderful challenging life ahead. HERE'S to YOU~" It doesn't mean I am a new mom, I know nothing about raising a child..you're so wrong but then again, your opinions might hurt me but cannot change the fact your NOT the mom, I AM.

MARGOT

Cosmetic Pouch and Color block pillow

I had the most wonderful time making this two projects, a cosmetic pouch and a throw pillow. These are made from fabric samples that my husband gave me. As a beginner, it took me a while to complete this and after watching tons of online tutorials, I did it.

There are no patterns, no measurements, I just followed the outline of the fabric samples and sew as it is. The color block throw pillow was measured using my daughter's toy ( that was what I had at that moment, it was a square so it fits the requirement ).



The pouch was a bit difficult because I haven't mastered sewing zippers and fine edges. The fabric flower was also time consuming but all was worth the effort. I lined it too but sew it by hand as I forgot to attached it before finished the pouch bottom, trial and errors is how you learned at sewing without going to a class.







Do you think it was well made? I am planning to sell it for a couple of  Dirhams next time for charity. I do hope so.

Hope you all have a good fasting, and mindful prayers this Ramadan.

Thank you for visiting my blog site!

Margot

Fabric Sling bag (Reversible)

Hello!

I made a reversible bag, from a  great tutorial you can find here.  

It was my first attempt following [almost all =)] because I find tutorials elaborate most of the times and when I sew, often as I feel fit only [ me and instructions, we don't get along well much LOL!  and my sewing skills is also in beginner level only] but her tutorial was so easy to understand and the project is just what I needed.

So here is it: [ sorry for the crappy picture ]

I am so proud of my self, I endured the pins and instructions...  I altered it a bit to my liking, I made the strap wider, and as made the pattern out of guessing measurements and free hand drawing.. unto the 3 pieces of normal bond papers, I think it turns out fine, what do you think?? Are you like me who can't follow sewing instructions to the core?

Don't get me wrong, other instructions are well taken in but for sewing, not always the case.

Have a great day!

MARGOT =)

TROLLEY of GOODIES from hubby!

Today, my husband came home with a trolley full of wonderful goods, nope it is not our weekly grocery supplies although he usually does too but FABRICS!!! lots of them.

These are catalogs and samples that they used to sell at the mall where he work. He said it came from the showroom and they wanted to throw them away because they no longer buy from this company and it made me so happy that they decided to let it go ( with a wide smile ) and I feel loved that my husband thinks I would be glad to have it.

He woke me up and showed the goodies but since I just get out of the bed, my happy face and enthusiasm dials isn't as jolly as I know he hopes I would be.  I later called him and say thank you!!


But after I freshened up and check it out, my mind just storms with tons of ideas of what better projects I should make for this wonderful fabrics, I couldn't think of a more sweeter way my husband can be to me.


Check it out below, I wonder what more I can do for the organza fabrics since I haven't made any projects made from it, shed me some light ladies!! I might share some of this goodies if you like!



Have a lovely day!


MARGOT

 here is an update of what I made so far with these:




Laptop sleeve made from fabric samples !

Tafetta small table runner =)

Value of a MOM

Life wasn't easy, I know that from experience, having said that makes me wonder why I sit here in my chair blogging about what was missing and my feeling of being empty today.

I think every one has this moment where you have no idea what direction you should be heading. I do hope it is just passing by and not staying with me.

I have a lot to be thankful, I have a wonderful husband who loves me no matter what, in sickness, in every family turmoil, in absence of thoughts and silence. We also have our gift from ALLAH, a bubbly baby girl who now turns 1 and learning each day new things with me.

But what is missing??  I used to have value outside my home, not that they don't value me here but let me rephrase that, I used to have a work. A routine from morning till night that challenge me intellectually and physically. I get to mingle with friends more, now I just stayed home, I closed my online shop to attend to my daughter's needs and now I feel useless. I know it is more tiring or exhausting to be at home, but I miss having a career. Am I bad mom for feeling this way? My heart raises whenever I will go out alone and leave my baby to the sitter, or if I hear some baby's cry, I know I will rush my self home to see if Raya's okay. These feeling makes me feel guilty and sad, I hope I can find ways to make me feel better.

I need to be enlightened on how to deal with these blues, because I know there are abundant things to be happy about but I cannot seem to find one today.

Paper Buntings and Zipper Deals

My daughter's birthday is coming soon, I opt for a cute birthday party but the weather ( sticky hot!!! ) and venue ( Al Mamzar Park ) as planned before is not cooperating with me, so we have decided to just keep it private and simple for our own family to share and buy Raya her own NATIONAL BONDS savings certificate so she is in a good start of life. Have you heard of it? any one who is saving more than AED 3,000 can be a millionaire some day.

I hope she wins, I have mine for a long time but not enough to be entitled for the monthly draw, might be the time I save some more. You can check it out HERE.

After that decision, I was a bit sad that I cannot decorate more for her party since we are not having one kiddy party. My husband said, may be just decors will be fine so, I  went on printing some "free party printables and digital papers, I got all over the blog land ( THANK YOU!!) and wallah! I made some paper buntings. For now, it is happily hanging on our wall near the dining table and after Raya's birthday, I will be transferring it to her room as decor.

Nothing comes cheap now a days, I bet every one will agree on me and to find one great item on sale is really fantastic. Today, my husband who always supports my crafts and quirks brought home bunch of colored zippers he found on sale at ANSAR MALL. It is on bargain price of AED .50 who can beat that??

They are selling this below the cost, I was really happy! I told him before that I wanted to make some skirts for Raya and some pouches and I need this zippers. He is such a charm, he knows sewing makes me sane and happy at home.. although, I still wished I can go back sooner on being employed. I still have to make sure our new nanny will care for Raya so, hope that goes well.

If your living near Al Nahda, check out ANSAR MALL for they do have some great items on Bargain from time to time. Okay, I sounded like they paid me to advertise so I am going to stop now. =)


Have a great weekend!

MARGOT